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status
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Mar 30, 2011 8:28 am
1258 Views
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you and i? we were never off the table...
and only you can make me feel the butterflies!
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slow burn
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Mar 20, 2011 6:29 am
1309 Views
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the tears are at it again... cannot help it! i am in such pain...
you happened when i wasn't looking, i was half aware.
you are my own little raccoon. i found you only to see you go soon.
i am crying because much much soon outside you will be gone from me, but inside you remain.... it's like i know you only to know that you will soon go.... so then what's the point?
i know somewhere somehow, there's a reason. when the well's calm again i will appreciate the valuable lesson you bring or brought along...
so to you D, cheers! hope life's kinder to you in B!!!
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flat broke
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Oct 6, 2010 1:04 pm
1652 Views
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October 7 - i admit gracious defeat. tried my best, went for broke and had my own moment of crash and burn.
so i cried like a baby today. who cares? i had to release it somehow. i have never cried like this since i was 21.
so now i know pain comes in waves of ten...
it takes a decade for same type of tears to come down involuntarily and the wailing to start.
at this stat, the next wave should come along when i am 41 and better equipped to handle it. maybe the wailing will be no more.
the funny thing about it is at 31 now i know life doesn't stop when you fell on your feet. it just continues, it will not wait for me to get up and collect the pieces altogether.
the hurting is there but to an extent there is wisdom and relief - knowing i gave it a fair shot, was willing to give it a go. it just isn't what i wanted it to be.
still, the moments mattered and they certainly shaped me.
so true too, i need to love me before anyone else would. biggest take on this secret drama that no one knows but me. so will work on this first before embarking on something again!
... so now onto my next phase of my personal journey to self-discovery.
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cha-cha moves
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Sep 30, 2010 7:19 am
1667 Views
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just when i said i am moving on, my resolve is tested again and again... sadly i succumb.
i wish otherwise, but the pull is so strong.
well, now i have a new philosohpy. just enjoy the moments and try to capture everything to relive these when they are gone for good.
for now i play a beautiful dance with the one who said adieu but haven't completely gone
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thanks for the memories
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Sep 6, 2010 8:26 am
1782 Views
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to you who came and is now gone
... for the many firsts
... for the vote of confidence
... for making me feel human
... for seeing me as i am
... for telling me the truth
... for the kind and honest words
... for making me realize what i need to do to learn and love me
... for leaving me when i said so
... for the sweet, poignant and racy memories
... for moving on and making me feel the butterflies again
... for making me realize i can still be emotional over someone
... for helping me define those moment
... for the memories i will cheries
and most importantly
... for now making we find myself and face my demons...
thank you
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the lie i told myself...
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Jun 28, 2010 4:00 pm
1972 Views
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... it's okay to have a casual thing going with someone. it's harmless, it's fun, nobody gets hurt in the end
... it will be okay, after all you are not emotionally attached
... you can take it, seeing him again after your thing
...you can act casual and still be friendly, there would be no awkwardness, it's afterall just one of those things...
i thought i am up to playing the game. i thought i am cool with it. apparently i suck at this stuff. so now i am getting over it.
and shit, it hurts just the same
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confession of a chaddict!
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Jun 20, 2010 6:28 am
1572 Views
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i am lately addicted to chatting and meeting people in the net.
i am not necessaily honest to them, depends how they come off to me.
i have met quite a number of people who want to talk with me. and they always ask for webcam. so i always say i don't have one.
and to ward the bad ones away i tell them i am either jobless looking for a foreign husband or i am a domestic hired help. and voila, most of the time, they go away haahhaa...
i have encountered crooks to, scammers. they either promise to take you to US, UK and all those things hahhaa.
OMG it's so colorful out there! how did i miss this for many years!
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barely alive
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Apr 10, 2010 3:57 am
1777 Views
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nursing a humungous hangover with oatmeal raisin cookies and milk - i might survive yet
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temporary insanity
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Apr 9, 2010 1:39 pm
2074 Views
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so i kissed a stranger in the bar...
so i turned away the invitation from a hot guy to dance salsa...
so i fended off 3 latino guys tonight, and yet i'm looking for someone...
so i fret over little things that normal people don't...
so i lost my bag while shopping for shoes...
so i blew a lot of money on 8 pairs of shoes in one go, even though i have no intention of buying a pair from the start...
so i stalked my ex-bf and hurt myself upon learning he officially got engaged...
so i am now in the middle of playing a beautiful song with someone that i don't wanna label or discuss with anyone and it's a whole lot complicated...
so i cried for an hour, pouring my heart out to a friend in a wc of a famous bar where a lot of girls were watching the scene with full interest...
...
i plead innocence... i blame it all to my state of temporary insanity!!!
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